


All I Want

by Tortellini



Category: Gattaca (1997)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Canonical Character Death, Character Death, Character Study, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Heavy Angst, Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Not Happy, Poetic, Song Lyrics, Songfic, Suicide, Wordcount: 500-1.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-07
Updated: 2017-05-07
Packaged: 2018-10-28 21:08:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10839492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tortellini/pseuds/Tortellini
Summary: After the one person who managed to get close to him leaves to fulfill his dreams, Jerome Morrow reflects on his relationship with Vincent Freeman and what's left of him now that he's gone. It's not a pretty picture.Oneshot





	All I Want

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by ["All I want"](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/301818) by Kodaline. 



> Prompt: "All I want" by Kodaline

> _ All I want is nothing more _
> 
> _ to hear you knocking on my door _

The alcohol is rich and thick--vodka--and Jerome drinks until he's teetering on the edge of passing out. He's half-slid out of the wheelchair, cramped and uncomfortable, and clutching the bottle in a white fist like the lifeline he never wanted all those years ago. 

He closes his eyes...and his mind immediately drifts to Vincent coming back. All he wants...all he needs.

> _ Because if I could see  _
> 
> _ your face once more _
> 
> _ I'd die a happy man,  _
> 
> _ I'm sure _

He'll admit he imagines Vincent coming back to him. His Vincent, the one he knows and loves: his neat dark hair, his gentle grey eyes...smart, beautiful, ambitious, understanding Vincent. 

Jerome pictures his face in his drunken haze and he aches for him, dammit. He wants him--if only to see him one last time.

> _ When you said your last goodbye, _
> 
> _ I died a little bit inside _

Jerome remembers--relives, really--the day he left. The handful of minutes it took him to leave. And yeah, he knows he had to. He knows he himself is a selfish prick. He knows it’s useless. He knows now Vince doesn't like him like that, and he never will.

Vince claps him warmly on the shoulder and leaves, on that day, like nothing happened. Even after what really did happen, he still...cares. He's not repulsed or angry. Jerome remembers lifting a hand in a wave. He watches him go until he's completely out of sight. And only then does he let himself cry.

> _ I lay awake in tears all night _
> 
> _ Alone, without you by my side _

"Vince," he says firmly. "You're my best friend." Vincent smiles slightly, gently, and fiddles with the strap on his suitcase. Jerome watches him closely, shrewdly, for his reaction. "...I think I'm in love with you."

Vincent pauses then to look at him. He looks surprised; not necessarily in a bad way, but surprised none the less. Jerome freezes up in the wheelchair and feels terribly self conscious, but he doesn't look away. He won't. He can't.

He smiles then, again. Vincent looks unsure and shy and sweet, and he smiles. Jerome feels weak hope rise slowly in his chest.

...but he leaves anyway.

> _ If you loved me... _

The kiss is warm and fleeting and weird, because of the wheelchair. Jerome knows how to touch his hair, his neck, to make him gasp and squeak--but nothing else. And in the end...it's heartbreakingly desperate and short.

> _ Why'd you leave me? _

And Vincent leaves anyway, but not before kissing his forehead lovingly. He takes his chin in his hand and, looking into his eyes, he promises to come back as soon as he can. Jerome doesn't make the same promise to actually be there, alive, when he comes back though.

> _ Take my body _

He cries after he leaves. He can't help it. He loved him, he'll say it--he loved him! And he left anyway. After all he gave him--his friendship, his affection, his fucking identity (!), and lastly his genuine love. He just leaves.

> _...take my body _

The fire is warm and in his mind it's pleasantly warm--like a campfire, or an embrace. He closes his eyes and pictures Vincent with his arms around him. Yeah, that'd be nice.

In reality it eats away at his weak papery skin at last, turning him from pink to red to black. At last, his tears evaporate. The pain...is over.


End file.
